Monday, 27 September 2010

Birthday and Burton

It's my birthday today - yay! Don't worry, I'm not sad enough to do a blog post on my actual birthday - wrote this yesterday. Or today, depending how you look at it.

Hopefully I'll get lots of goodies, but something tells me I won't be getting that Flux Capacitor I need to finish off my DeLorean time machine. Oh well, one day.....

What I'm really counting on is a little cash to go towards the Les Paul I'm going to buy. It's an Epiphone btw, not a Gibson - they're essentially the same instrument. Ok, a Gibson would last longer if you chucked it down the stairs, but I'm not that rock n roll! And with the Gibson being about £1000 more than the Epiphone, it's no contest! This is how most of these conversations go:

October 2010....
Dude in Shop: Greetings!
Me: Howdy. I'm after an Epi Paul.
Dude in Shop: An Epiphone Les Paul eh? You don't want the real thing?
Me: Nah, five hundred quid's my limit. Besides, they're basically the same thing.
Dude in Shop: Ah, very well. (under his breath) Cheap fucker!

October 2030...20 years later...after winning the lottery....
Duder in Shop: Greetings!
Me: still work here, dude?
Duder in Shop: Nah man, I'm Dude in Shop's third son - Duder in Shop - note the "R".
Me: Ah, I see. My mistake. So........I'm after a Les Paul
Duder in Shop: An Epiphone? Cos they've come along leaps and bound since the government stopped putting tracking bugs in them. Of course, I'm not legally allowed to sell you such an instrument since the Rock n Roll outlaw of twenty-three. I can, however, show you a wide variety of triangles?
Me: No no no. What I'm looking for is a Gibson Les Paul.
Duder in Shop: A Gibson?! I'd really recommend an Epiphone - they're half the price and basically the same instrument.
Me: Same instrument?! Nonsense! I'll be taking the real thing, thank you very much! I mean, what am I to do when Prime Minister Cowell comes knocking at my door late one evening because he heard "Won't Get Fooled Again" blasting from my house? Attack with my Gibson, that's what! There's certainly no way an Epiphone would withstand such a beating!
Duder in Shop: Right you are, son, right you are. A Gibson it is. And since you're spending so much money here, we'll throw in a "Government Communications Static Scrambler" free of charge.
Me: That's mightily grand of you, sir! Ta very much. You.....erm.....don't have any Flux Capacitors do you?
Duder in Shop: I don't think so. But I'll check with my future self.
Me: Cheers.

Yes, my views of the future are pretty much standard - the rich get richer, the poor get poorer. And rock n roll has been outlawed by Simon Cowell.

Anyway, today also marks the death of Cliff Burton, who was killed in a coach crash exactly two years before I was born. No-one could make a bass guitar scream quite like Cliff. And if I headbanged like him, I'd have a constant headache!

So here's a little tribute:

Oh, one last thing - last week, a guy on my street (whose last name just happens to be Burton) turned 98. Yep, 98! And he can still do a Sudoku faster than anyone I know. Now that's sticking it to the man!

Later folks!

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