Friday, 24 June 2011

Chocolate fart

Disclaimer: please excuse a young man's right to giggle.

Picture the scene.....

You're an innocent, twenty-something female out shopping with your boyfriend. You are also rather attractive (but this is irrelevant). You enter the local chocolate-selling establishment and peruse the shelves of sugary goodness. After a while, you choose your poison and head to the till, where the dashing, devilishly-handsome young gentleman (artistic licence taken) carries out his mind-numbing job.

What you don't notice is that your boyfriend has suspiciously positioned himself curiously close to the exit. He glances around, scanning the surrounding area like a casual Terminator. And then, just as you are about to hand over your money to the aforementioned devilishly-handsome young gentleman behind the till (artistic licence quota fulfilled), you hear this:


A fart. So loud a fart, so obvious a fart, that it cannot be mistaken for anything other than a fart. And you know, at that exact moment, that your boyfriend, whose suspicious self-placement by the exit you failed to notice, has done the unthinkable. And then, to make matters worse, you turn around (no doubt to die of shame) only to find that your beloved has rabbited - he's already out of the shop and out of sight.

What do you do?!

The fart was so unmistakably a fart that it's impossible to accuse it of being anything else. And the devilishly-handsome young gentleman behind the till (artistic licence quota exceeded) has an expression that says "Your boyfriend just farted. I am now judging you. Yes, YOU!!!"

The point is - how a character reacts in this situation can tell you a lot about them. Do they say nothing? Do they burst out laughing? Do they pause.....then leg it?

Arnold Schwarzenegger would say something along the lines of "My giiiirlfriend farded! This is an ambarrasing! I must teach duh giiiirlfriend a lesson. I shall farder a child wid anuther female!"

Michael Bay would say "My god, man! That was, like, the most amazingest explosion ever, man! I gotta put that in a film. Man!"

Bruce Willis would say........nothing, cos he's way too cool to go out with someone who farts!

So what would your character do? What would you do?

For those interested, this is what happened in the story told above -

Attractive Female: My boyfriend just farted.
Devilishly-Handsome Young Gentleman (artistic licence quota shattered): Erm....yeah.
*Awkward silence*
Attractive Female: Here's your money.
*Awkward silence*
Devilishly-Handsome Young Gentleman: Here's your change.
*Awkward silence*
Attractive Female: Good-bye.
Devilishly-Handsome Young Gentleman: Yep, bye.
*Awkward silence*
Attractive Female: Sorry. He farted!
Devilishly-Handsome Young Gentleman: Right.
Attractive Female: It's going to smell.
Devilishly-Handsome Young Gentleman: That's not improbable.
Attractive Female: I'm going to go.
Devilishly-Handsome Young Gentleman: Ok.....
*Attractive Female walks away. Throws up a hand on exiting*
Attractive Female: Enjoy the smell!
Devilishly-Handsome Young Gentleman: Cheers.
Attractive Female (off-screen): You twat! You farted in there! And left me! Prick!!!!

The end.

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